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Archive for the 'Crimes Against Craft' Category

It’s the Morning After the Election…

Wednesday, November 7th, 2012
By Twistie

… and whether you’re basking in the sweet joy of victory, gnashing your teeth and swearing revenge in your defeat, or – like most of us – seeing how you did in a mixed bag of wins and losses, I think there are a few things we can all agree were Bad Ideas in the world of election-related crafts.

Love her or hate her, do you really need that many Michelle Obamas on your fingernails? I think I could do without.


A Brief Crafting PSA from Crafty Manolo

Tuesday, November 6th, 2012
By Twistie

When this:

seems like a good idea? It’s time to get out of the house a lot more.

That is all.

But Are They All Really That Bad?

Wednesday, October 17th, 2012
By Twistie

Okay. I get it. I get how this torchiere lamp made of melted Lego blocks made Buzzfeed’s list of Twenty-nine Terrible Craft Ideas. The idea wasn’t a good one to begin with and the results do not offer any hope that it could turn out to be more brilliant than you might imagine.

This was a bad idea… as are the tampon heart earrings (dipped in red dye at the bottom, no less!), the studded back pockets on a pair of innocent jeans, and the painting of spermatozoa down the leg of another innocent (well, perhaps slightly debauched) pair of jeans. As for the unicorn bicycle, yeah, that’s nothing but an invitation to a butt-whumping for the hapless child who rides it. That does make it a monumentally bad idea.

On all of those, Buzzfeed, you win.

On the other hand, can one really call posing a guinea pig in a piece of foil with a pat of butter on its back a craft? Or is it merely a joke? And while the toilet paper earrings (beaded earrings in the shape of rolls of toilet paper, not toilet paper made into earrings, incidentally) may not be in the best of taste… I do find them cheekily amusing. They are certainly nicely made.

And then there are the flashes of brilliance. The playing card corset is just plain amazing. Practical? Not for long term wear, certainly, but holy wow is it gorgeous! And the sock monkey chair? Want!

I do also have to wonder what the provenance of the Louis Vuitton print assault rifle and the sperm jeans are. There’s no word on that. Bad ideas, certainly. But are they real craft projects or Photoshop jokes?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Good Idea/Bad Idea: Soap Additives

Wednesday, September 26th, 2012
By Twistie

Sometimes the same artist has a really Good Idea, and a really Bad Idea. This new feature will help us all identify which is which.

Let’s start the ball rolling with Etsy artist Fetosoap. The tagline for the store is: Everything from natural to novelty handmade bath and body. Let me tell you, she isn’t kidding.

First the Good Idea:

I love, love, love this soap. It’s vegetarian-friendly, hypo allergenic, and scented with a soothing combination of honey, almond, and vanilla. The charming honeycomb and bee motif is there because of the natural local honey used, which also creates the natural amber coloring. Recommended for dry or sensitive skin, it’s $6.00 a cake. Pretty, practical, and all natural? I’m there!

And yet somehow the same artist produced this Very Bad Idea:

Yes, it’s a razor blade (a real one that has not been dulled) embedded in a bar of glycerine soap. Glycerine, by the by, is hydrophilic (it soaks up water) so the razor blade will rust over time. And since using the soap could, over time, result in a trip to the ER, it is recommended for display purposes only. Then again, if you choose to display potentially lethal soaps in your bathroom, I recommend trying to find insurance against the possible consequences since we all know That Person who uses the display only guest towels and reaches immediately for the display only soap.

I think I’ll stick to the first bar of soap. After all, it’s much prettier, smells nice, and has no negative consequences if someone chooses to break it in while you want it to stay pretty… unless they have a horrible honey allergy.

Things That Do Not Resemble Lima Beans

Thursday, September 20th, 2012
By Twistie

There are many things in the world that do not look like lima beans. For instance, there’s this Lamborghini:

… these Louboutins:

… Angelina’s earrings:

… and most of all, this crocheted lima bean brooch by Etsy artist Krowchet:

Bang for Your Olympic Buck

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012
By Twistie

Okay, this may look like a set of five linked crowns of thorns, but it’s supposed to be the Olympic rings, really. And you’ll never guess how the artist achieved this special look… so I’ll let STICK VEGA explain it to you:

Vega places (gun)powder and fuses on the surface of the art, which he positions horizontally on the floor. When ignited, first the fuses burn instantly along the cord lines, igniting the gunpowder and creating loud bangs and flashes of fire, which then vanish in clouds of smoke. The result is a textured surface that looks and feels like an explosion—the acrylic paint and substrate is blackened, charred, and erupted, arrested in a state of being created in a flash.

And it can be yours for just $79.00 plus $30.00 shipping.


That certainly is… something.

For Those of You Still Reeling…

Monday, July 30th, 2012
By Twistie

Okay, I know it was a bit discouraging to some of you to see that amazing needle felted bear on thursday. You know, this one:

Yeah, that one. Freaking amazing.

Well, I felt we all needed to look at something that we know we could never make not because it’s so amazingly gorgeous, but because most of us already follow Barbie’s sage advice:

If you want to know the background on this refugee from Tod Browning’s most famous film, head on over to Craft Fail and read the hilarious details.

And if you happen to have a similarly bizarre tale of craft catastrophe, at least you know where to submit the story as a caution to other crafters who follow.

Prisoners of Love?

Monday, July 23rd, 2012
By Twistie

You know how it is. You have a loved one who is incarcerated, but you’re tired of all your pictures with them being set in the prison visiting room. You know, like this:

Well now you can do something about it! Imagine if the same picture was taken on a romantic trip to St. Croix Lake. It might look like this:

What do you mean ‘painfully photoshopped?’  Nobody could possibly tell! And you know nobody will ask why they don’t recall you taking a romantic vacation with someone they’ve never met.

The good folks at Photos Beyond the Wall would beg to differ. With their help, you and your incarcerated loved one can have those embarrassing prison photos changed into pictures of you together at plush resorts, backyard barbeques, or with your awesome Jaguar.

My suggestion? Save your money. Do it on your home computer. It’s not going to look much worse. And you can put your imprisoned parent, sibling, spouse, lover, child or best bud into a picture of a place they might actually have been to before.

34C or 20/20?

Thursday, July 12th, 2012
By Twistie

Every once in a while you run across some sort of craft item that just leaves you wondering what the Sam Hill someone had ingested to make them think that was a good idea.

This was one of those days for me when I found these on Etsy:

Where even to begin?

Well, let’s start with the idea that someone thinks it’s a good idea to correct the vision in our nipples and work from there, shall we? That alone would be bizarre and disturbing enough for anyone, but wait! There’s more! And I’m not talking about the incredible Ginzu steak knife! No, I’m talking about the fact that there are four styles to choose from: the Harry Potter (with lightning bolt necklace!), the Hipster, the Cat’s Eye, and – as pictured above – the Woody Allen. Why Woody Allen? Let’s let the creator explain that one:

“Mia Farrow, Diane Keaton, Scarlett Johansson–we all know Woody Allen has a thing for ladies, so why not strap a pair of these endearingly nerdy Woody Allen glasses on *your* special ladies?”

Yes, because I want my breasts fondled by the eyewear of a man noted for loving and leaving a long list of gorgeous, talented women and winding up marrying his own stepdaughter. Sure, there was nothing illegal in what he did… but that doesn’t make my breasts long for the touch of his spectacles, either.

The saving grace to these (if there is one) is that they’re not very expensive. Three of the designs are just $9.00 each. Because of the coordinating necklace, though, the Harry Potter ones (and do we really want to wear the vision corrective lenses of underage boys on our headlights?) run a whole $14.00.

All the same, the Etsy shop has been open since November, and so far I see a sum total of three sales made.

Maybe it was the artist’s business sense that needed glasses.

Weapon or Communicator… You Decide

Wednesday, June 20th, 2012
By Twistie

I know there’s a lot going on in this picture between the fur, the semi-pornographic image in the back, and, oh! There’s what we were looking for! Spikes!

Actually, it’s an iPhone case. But the spikes make it Art. Or at least a craft that can be sold on Etsy for $55.00 a pop.

I don’t know about you, but I think if I need a case for my phone, I’ll choose one that won’t potentially stab my sensitive hands with stainless steel spikes.

Because I’m wacky that way.

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